Seems the competition is sweet like a slap in the face

Neglecting the blog, neglecting the outlet, life has its changes and I'm failed to document and recognize the occurrences.

Back in school again. Two weeks down in the last year of my planned academic life. Filled with all kinds of existential angst... will I be boring, will I be adventurous, will I be spontaneous and leave it all behind...Will I be ambitious or do something remarkable in the eyes of one or maybe the eyes of many, or maybe just in the eyes of those close enough to recognize what has happened...

Feeling closer to everyone and yet so far away. Not sure how to grab hold and create a balance. While I have this room I can call home it's not quite enough... My throat is scratchy and it itches so much it's painful, I can feel the sickness coming on and yet I'm too filled with apathy to find the big french press I need to make my throat tea. That's what my life has been... my laptop and my warm dog my greatest comfort.

I keep thinking I know what I want to do and who I want to be and yet I feel like I'm constantly abandoning every personal ideal. Why must I keep searching? Why can't I just be here, now, present...

I can't stand this... I've gotta make some tea.